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scenes · from · a · memory
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sometimes something happens in your life that is a defining moment. sometimes you can't escape feelings no matter how hard you try to run from them. only, although i run in circles, i never arrive at the right time, or the right place. and now, that meeting place has disappeared completely. there's only the pavement my feet slap over and over because despite everything, i still can't stop searching for it. i can't accept that it's gone.
but this time is different. instead of vanishing, i saw it explode. i saw the windows burst and the flames lick the roof. i stood there too scared to put it out, too scared that i couldn't do enough to stop the flames from spreading. so i poured what little water i could on the mess before me and walked away. i was too afraid the fire would take me with it, but i should have known it would put itself out the minute i averted my eyes.
the ruins that lie in its place are painful to look at. someone is building a new house there, on that very spot that burned so brightly in front of me not so very long ago. a family is moving in soon. love will douse its walls with colors and with memories. and i'll keep running past it. my feet don't remember any other asphalt. |
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i leave for the beach on saturday. and i'll be gone a whole week. a whole freaking week. i never go on vacations so i'm just a LITTLE bit too excited about this one, i think. rented beach house
sleeps 8
2 friends
extended family
my boyfriend being there for a bit
=
exactly what i need. i checked the weather yesterday and it's supposed to rain there all week. fucking great. but you know, i think the beach will be just as awesome with or without 7 days of sunshine. it just better let up long enough for me to get tan. OH! and if you haven't seen Wall-E then you're crazy. it's the best movie i've seen in a long long time. definitely my favorite animated movie ever. but i can hardly bring myself to even call it animated. it is so much more. it's brilliant. nick, we are still going to see it together. |
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at the begining of the summer i started writing my book. it's the most nerve-wracking process ever, but also the most gratifying. i've been pre-writing and planning for the past year, writing down ideas that came to me whenever and wherever they struck, so actually sitting down and composing the words feels amazing. i've got a few chapters down and so far...it's coming together better than i could have imagined. sounding incredibly corny, it's almost as fun as if i was reading it written by another author. i just hope my stroke of imagination holds until i can get this written. it's scary. otherwise, life could not be better. honestly. i wrote a poem about it. i'm lame, i know. but i've been waiting for life to be fun for a while now. about fuckin time! i also think i've been drinking a lot. go figure. luckily it's mostly beer. i'm off vodka for a long while. |
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i was feeling nostalgic, so i came to read some good ol' livejournal entries. i don't feel so bad, seems like everyone's given up on writing in here. and my last few entries, from a year ago or so were all me bitching and complaining about my job. well i quit. and it feels amazing. i should have done it so much sooner, but i think i waited til the right time. i don't miss it at all and i think if i had quit sooner, while everything was relatively peachy, i would have regretted it. but now, i don't desire to set a foot into that store.
i guess you could say i've done some major trimming to my life. i've gotten rid of all the negative influences that for the past few years have served as barriers holding me back from being both happy and from living my life. i'm sad it took me this long to realize just what i was doing to myself, but i guess everything happens for a reason. it just sucks to think about all the things that i lost or gave up on while i was waiting to finally set myself free, however, i couldn't be happier now and i have people around me who are amazing influences and who really care. so god bless america. |
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oh school school school. i dont have time for anything anymore. although i only have classes tues/thurs, im there from 11am-8pm and then i work mondays, wednesdays, fridays, and saturdays. it fucking blows. its getting so hard to do both, work and school, and i just dont know what to do anymore because i need the money badly. but taking 4 of my major english classes is turning out to be a real ass-kicker...
i really wish i could find some kind of desk job or something that would be weekdays, where i could sit, and where i would get off at like 6pm. not that plato's is hard work...haha its definitely far from it, but working til 9 leaves me little time for much else, and i'd like to have a life again.
i never write in this thing anymore. i keep saying that. and it appears like nobody else really writes in it either...oh well, i guess everyone grows up eventually, but i sure miss the days when we'd all write about the crazy night before and laugh about the funny things that happened. those were good times. no one i know knows how to party anymore. i miss drinking beer with friends and music.
other than school and work though, things are really really good. for the first time in forever everything is working out and im finally feeling like im normal and on-track...whatever track that may be. things are so different now, and im so glad i finally have someone to share it with who is just as weird as me. haha cause im definitely kinda different.
...this entry is pretty much pointless...and its so long. im sorry. haha |
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i never use this anymore. i miss that, although lately most of my entries would be of me complaining and no one wants to hear that! ;)
anyways, i need a new job. i cannot handle working at platos anymore. its the easiest/best job i've ever had and i HATE that i need to leave, but it has gotten to the point that i cant and wont deal with the petty bullshit that goes on there. for pete sake, there are only 6 employees, yet SO MUCH fuckshit. i wrote a note to my manager about days i cant work once this semester starts and was it read by ryan? nope, instead it got read by everyone else and THROWN away. i've worked there longer than the 2 people in question and certainly do much much much more than the both of them for the store, but they seem to think that because they WANT 40 hours a week and i do not, they are above me, and therefore deserve their choice of days off over me.too bad once school starts sunday will be the only ONE day a week that i have nothing to do. so sue me.
ok
done
ranting.
does anybody know of any job openings? seriously, i would be forever thankful!! |
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i think i might as well stop trying at this whole relationship-thing. it's hilarious to me that both of my most recent ones have lasted just shy of a month and both have ended with me absolutely befuddled as to why i entered into it in the first place. wow. and im not actually upset, just awed that i keep trying even though i always get the same results. how many times does the fucking rat have to get shocked by pressing the bar before it learns NOT TO DO IT! (sorry...a little psych thrown in there for anyone who actually reads this). i dont even know who still has a livejournal anymore. |
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one word about the my chemical romance/muse show tonight... amazing. especially muse. they were so fucking good i wanted to punch someone haha. and for all you MCR haters...they put on a kickass show. so don't hate. that and i happen to love them. |
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well never fear. once again...i am just me |
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bitches suck. i want to own my own little island where i will only allow the people that i want there to enjoy it with me. god damn i am so sick of drama and the shit that some people are full of... last night was fun though. it was REALLY good to see some people that i miss very much. i want to hang out more often. pretty please. |
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jennabegood's journal